The Elderly Gestapo or the Cheese Stick Battle
What happens with moving people and a cell phone camera
To protect the lives of the innocent, names have been changed and places disguised. Really? I don’t want to get into trouble with anyone so everything is so very thinly disguised it might as well be in something from Victoria’s Secret. Paranoid perhaps but have you ever had the elderly Gestapo after you? …………………………………… I didn’t think so.
My grandson is the arrow. The elderly Gestapo watching us is the circle. In the picture above silly, my grandson really isn’t an arrow?
It all started @ a State Wrestling Championship @ our local university last year. (This is the fourth year my grandson has gone to the state championships, he’s good but he’s never won) We were turned away @ the door last year @ the other building because horror of horrors we had brought snacks in to a sporting event. If you go to enough games and tournaments you learn to carry food and entertainment with you, trust me. We ditched the contraband and went back in but we knew the deal. We also knew we could be stuck there all day with $4 pretzels and $3 candy bars, I was afraid to ask how much hamburgers were but ice cream was $7 for about ¾ of a cup. The economy is having no trouble @ THOSE snack bars. To make matters worse I believe we were prohibited from leaving this year and returning so if you did go get fast food to save a buck you wouldn’t save anything because you would have to pay $8 every time you walked back in the door. In previous years we could leave and go shopping or eat in between matches.
If anyone wants to say I’m making fun of the whole thing go ahead but the opening ceremonies were great. Maybe it was just seeing so many kids marching in or the Olympic like music but it was better than I thought it would be. The wrestling was getting more interesting all the time. We were so involved in watching a girl wrestle that we almost missed my grandson wrestling. I cry when he wins not when he looses? Where is the logic in that?
The meet was in a different building so I was blissfully unaware that I wasn’t allowed to bring food in (or I could pretend, I do blissfully unaware so well I should have and Oscar). So being a red blooded American what did I do??? Loaded my purse with 4 cheese sticks of course. (I’ve been known to exist most of a day on cheese sticks) Somehow the cheese sticks weren’t under the camera and the huge wallet and the other little purse that holds my phone in my dear OLD fossil (I’m not kidding it really is a fossil purse, purchased on sale @ Dillards in Alabama), (donations toward a new classic purse accepted) they were on TOP when the ticket taker said she had to look in my purse, she was searching for food, not weapons, not bombs, food. She was elderly. She was nice. I saw no wastebasket I swear. She said get rid of the cheese sticks, she said you really aren’t supposed to have cheese sticks, you really should get rid of the cheese sticks, every time she said it I could tell her resolve was getting a bit weaker. I say this lady was elderly she was probably in her 60s and since I’m in my 50s this is pushing the elderly barrier (we had yet to learn the true length and breadth of the Elderly Gestapo’s reach, she was my first test). Anyway my daughter said there was a trash can there but I didn’t see it. I really can’t say what happened next but no one ever ate the cheese sticks. I did see people dumping candy from large plastic bags into smaller plastic bags when we got in there so evidently they hid their food better than I did. (I do blissfully unaware very well, sneaky is not my forte` evidently). Just call me Don Quixote or the rebel without a cause.
So we are in. I ate a soft pretzel, it was like $4. There was a small disagreement about the banners for our school being in the wrong place. Our schools banners were somehow in a stairwell if they were hanging facing out toward the arena according to the Gestapo’s rule interpretation. Our banners did not make it early to be hung because they took a tour of the state capitol. Why you ask? Well some of us are directionally challenged or don’t listen, take your pick. So who comes around and tells us this? Another member of the elderly Gestapo, a large grey haired man. Some members of our party tried the nod your head and smile so they will go away tactic on him and Mr. Elderly Gestapo may have gotten the idea our group was slightly brain damaged (and he didn’t even know about the tour of the state capitol). We won’t go into what happened next but Mr. Elderly Gestapo was not impressed by logic or red faces.
A member of the Gestapo who looked capable of running had stationed herself in front of us. Another was to our left, and another slightly lower, they seemed to be keeping an eye on us. I kept asking what purpose these people served as they seemed to be monitors but they were not strong enough to actually stop most of the people in there from doing ANYTHING, (we were @ a wrestling tournament mind you, those kids got the ability to wrestle from somewhere and those people were sitting in the stands) and since it was a large public event I thought maybe they were something like pseudo homeland security too but they were not going to even be a speed bump to a terrorist or a 6 year old child. (writing this I could picture a terrorist @ a wrestling tournament being torn limb from limb restrained by angry parents and grandparents)
I kept spouting about the elderly Gestapo and why they were watching us and my daughter finally said the Elderly Gestapo’s mission was really to stop all of those people who were going to whip out a fully cooked turkey and have Thanksgiving dinner @ the wrestling tournament because obviously that was a big fear of the Gestapo’s.
So that is the story of the elderly Gestapo and the wrestling tournament. No Elderly Gestapo were harmed in the telling of this story but if I were you I’d watch what I ate in front of gray haired people with folded arms and aqua polo shirts. Anyone who wants to get offended about my use of Elderly Gestapo go right ahead, don’t believe me. When they appear with sunglasses on and their little polo shirts on every street corner don’t say I didn’t try to warn you when they take away your twinkie.
This is humor. Anyone who thinks it is anything else but that is in sorry need of some sort of drugs, therapy, or perhaps a lobotomy? I love wrestling, the university, and all that, maybe not so much the Gestapo though.
funny….but in all honesty, I think those places should get a law suit for hoarding and being ridiculous charging such high prices for food they likely retrieved from the trash bins – the purpose of the gestapo trapping people at the door BY the trash bins….
See…and they thought YOU were ridiculous! HA!
hahahahaha…. Oh the memories…. and fun was had by alllll.